1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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