I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
