So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
