now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
