I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
