Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
