did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
