Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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