I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
