Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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