she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
