if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
