who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
