he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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