i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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