On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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