she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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