Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
tequila makes me forget i have legs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
