are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
