Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
