I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
