Plan B is the new Plan A
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oh god the rape fog is back!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize