the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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