Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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