Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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