I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
