If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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