How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
