Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
