We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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