Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
