Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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