before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
