It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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