just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
