I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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