I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
