There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize