So drunk its hurt
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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