im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize