Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
