when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
