Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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