thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
