Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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