i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
