you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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