hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
