well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
