@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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