I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
