I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
