I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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