dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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