I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize