The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
