He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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