Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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