So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think your dad took our porno
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
