May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
