dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
