She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize