Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
