We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are the jesus of drinking
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
