just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
