After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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