Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think your dad took our porno
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
