you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
