you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
