paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
