She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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