ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
