You really coming over, don't trick.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
