just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
