they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
