i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
