I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
